I don't know why I had a dream about Star Wars last night but thought this was appropriate. Actually, now that I think about it we were watching a movie this week where I believe someone quoted Yoda (or at least talked backward)...either way...Happy Friday!
It's a great figure of speech especially in this case. No, we weren't benchwarmers. Yes, we were champions!!
Last night were the finals for our softball league which was broken into an A and B division for play-offs. We were the first team in the B division finishing .500 for the year which is pretty damn good. And we had the honour of being the only team to not get mercied by the big boys from the old A division. Actually, we kept some of the games quite close and only lost by 2 runs both times we played Stir the Pot which took the A division title last night as well.
Even before play-offs started we knew we would meet our arch rivals in the finals...the Pine Riders. It would have been a shock if either team hadn't made it through. We decided to make it close by forfeiting our first game vs. iTeam due to a car breaking down with 4 of Sliders in it but we battled bat and won the rest of the games that night.
Last night was a hay day! Everyone was jacked to play and we all came with our "A" game. One bad inning led us to a first game loss 13-11 but we kicked them where it hurt the 2nd and 3rd games winning 16-5 both times.
The games were everything you could have hoped for - shooting the box (them not us), kicking the bats (again them, not us), drinking beers during the game (I think you got it - them not us), and arguing (okay, on both sides). Our favourite army pant wearing friend Kevin even pulled a grade two move on us when he was on first base after ripping another one up the middle. He called "time" and said that Cordog was chirping him and trying to egg him on...I guess Cordog called him a bad name and didn't like that. Ahhh little Kevy had his feelings hurt and had to cry to Santa! ;) The umpires were also on a huge power trip - maybe Santa thought he was umping the World Series, I'm not sure but all in all it was exactly what was expected.
And I enjoyed every second of it.
Another season in the books, this one as champions. It feels pretty good and I can't wait until next year.
While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you - you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc." The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."
The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only option."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely rare disease." The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"
"Oh, Thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"
They go hand in hand...
When I was younger I played competitive fastball for many, many years. Every year we would have a tournament in Niagara Falls called "The Teddy Bear Tournament" - it was a great tournament and solid competition, especially because many teams would come from the States to play. But the most fun was staying at the top of Clifton Hill, at the Oasis Hotel and hanging out after the games with the team and parents. Yes, we got ourselves into trouble but it was all good fun and was a highlight of the season.
Whenever I think of Niagara Falls I think of the good times we had there - checking out the falls, going to Nightmares and Ripley's Moving Theatre, drinking at Rumours Night Club and having a strange guy give us free shots at a shady pub north of the strip. But, I also think of baseball and this weekend I am returning.
No, it's not going to be the same - we are older, more mature and wiser...okay, who am I kidding? Yes, it's going to be practically the same...playing baseball, checking out the falls, going to Nightmares and hopefully Ripley's Moving Theater, having drinks (many more drinks), maybe meeting strange men and doing body shots...toilet papering the other teams cars...you get the drift.
I've wanted to play in Provincials since I started playing slo-pitch and now the time has finally come. It may not be my regular team (I'm just a spare that they want to play as much as possible) but I am on the roster and I am really looking forward to it.
Cheers,
Jenn
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends, Boxing
2. North American landmark constantly moving backward. Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons, Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside, Strawberry.
5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.)
6. Three English words beginning with "dw", Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar, Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, bracket s, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh, Lettuce.
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "s", Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
They walk among us (part I)...
I walked into a Blimpie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. They walk among us.
A friend of mine bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. My friend decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it. They walk among us.
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?" They walk among us.
Although it was grey, windy and humid and I thought a tornado was going to swoop in and hit us, Friday night turned out to be a great success.
Rock on!
I've officially changed the name of the "Friday Funny" to "Friday Fun" - I think this gives me more options as to what I can post and may not necessarily be funny but definitely fun (at least in my opinion).
Have fun with this - answers will be posted sometime next week...watch for them! Comment if you want and maybe you can help eachother out with the answers...
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."
From the moment we got in the cab, the cabbie became our official tour guide - pointing out everything along the way that had a story or was a part of history. Everyone is so friendly and laid back. Friday we spent shopping and sitting on a patio - the weather was actually hot and sunny and then that night we went to The Cellar - a cool little restaurant where we enjoyed great food and a few drinks. After dinner we headed to George Street...
George St - for those that haven't been there and enjoy wetting their whistles is the place to be. It's blocked off from traffic and everyone walks around from bar to bar...rumour is there is almost 100 bars in a two block radius. We headed to Trapper John's for the inaugural "Screeching In" - screech is a NFLD delicacy - a wonderfully dark rum (okay, maybe not so wonderful). There are a few traditions depending on where you go - this one had you down your shot, say a little poem, and kiss the ass of a puffin...no, it wasn't real. But some places make you kiss a frozen cod - I'll take the ass end any day!
Sunday we packed up and hit the streets again. We went to Signal Hill - the view is amazing and then enjoyed a lovely aqua massage. We strolled back into Toronto around 10pm. All in all a terrific time...it makes me want to do a road trip out East...Dave will be up for it...sometime. 